guest blogger

Guest Blogger Beverly Sartain: Are You Doing a Purpose Bypass?

Editor’s note: Beverly is a dear friend of mine. She nudges me when I need nudging and my life honestly would not be as full without her in it. Thank you, love <3.

Editor’s note: Beverly is a dear friend of mine. She nudges me when I need nudging and my life honestly would not be as full without her in it. Thank you, love <3.


I help people use their recovery process for greater purpose and good.

But did you know that most people can't even get to living their purpose in recovery because their soul work is priority.

Truth...

You may (or may not) have heard of a spiritual bypass.

Same is true for a purpose bypass.

You can't jump into purpose work without doing your own inner work.

Well, you can...but it won't be pretty.

Been there, done that.

Part of my story is that I was always a giver. I gave in order to receive love.

As a child, I was HUGE into volunteering. It made me feel good to do good for others. I led organizations, won awards and got a lot of value from giving.


In college, I studied Psychology. Really I studied psychology so that I could better understand myself. I volunteered at a Crisis Center for several years where I would talk to people who were struggling and suicidal.

And after college, I quickly looked for next steps where I could be giving again and feeling useful and valuable.

At 24, I found myself working at a domestic violence shelter. I started off as a Residential Tech and worked my way up to Program Manager.

I was hard-working, over-responsible and over-giving.

These qualities can be good but they are a double edge sword.

As I lost myself more and more into my work, the negative aspects of the qualities came out.

I was helping women and children form healthier and happier lives outside of abuse while I was going home after work and abusing myself with destructive behaviors.

I did that on a daily basis. And the shame was overwhelming.

I was living completely out of integrity and alignment.

I was doing for others what I wasn't willing to do for myself.

And it was literally killing me inside out.


Your system will eventually provide you enough feedback where you either wake up and do it differently or you fade out and simply exist.

Clearly because of the work I do, I talk to many people who also fall into this same trap.

The trap of giving at the expense of Self. The trap of actually telling yourself that's a good thing. And the trap of feeling guilty for taking good care of yourself.

I see this same dynamic with other helping professionals: nurses, doctors, social workers, therapists, case workers, counselors, caretakers...you get the point.

Being a helping professional means you are helping yourself FIRST.

Does that resonate? Is that true for you? Honestly...

It's super easy for people who are helpers to put themselves on the back-burner and put others first.

And I lovingly challenge you to actually look at if that perspective is what's healthiest for you and those you love.

It's our duty to ourselves to make sure we are helping from the healthiest version of ourselves, from the healthiest place within us.

That means:

💌Healthy boundaries

💌Healthy self-talk

💌Healthy daily practice

I'm living proof that you can catch your codependency and unhealthy giving and turn it around.

But I'm not going to lie...

It takes a lot of work to put yourself first, stay consistent with your commitment to Self and be an example.


System is important…

  • You need to know what to look for

  • You need to know how to get through it

  • You need to have accountability to actually commit to it

I'm super lucky that Spiritual Psychology fell into my lap while I was ready to receive a new way of being.

I'm sure it didn't really just fall into my lap but was really something I intended and manifested in my life because I was ready.

Beverly showering me with love and support in one of those UNIVERSE moments at She Recovers LA.

Beverly showering me with love and support in one of those UNIVERSE moments at She Recovers LA.

Ready for something new and ready for a new way of relating to myself.

When you are ready for something more, more is provided to you.

Take a look around and look for the evidence that you are being supported.

Are you making the best use of the support?

This year is all about shedding the old while healing what’s unresolved. I'm really resonating with Healer Heal Thyself. My people are those who love to help and give to others and I'm here to help you make sure that's happening from a healthy place.

Therefore, you need to be living a healthy life and being a healthy example.

You don't have to be perfect but you need to feel really good about your life if you are going to be coaching, counseling or any other kind of helping professional to other people.

I've done this work myself and you can too.


What is it you need to clean up (both figuratively or literally) in order to be the best helper that you can be?!

What do you need to do right now to help yourself?

So if you're feeling like you need to improve some areas of your life so that you can step into your purpose work + you’d like a cool visual to help you along the way, I’m happy to send you my Helper’s Healing Roadmap.

{{Click the button above to send an email to Beverly. She’ll send you a personalized message along with the Helper’s Healing Roadmap.}}

Let me shower you with love and support for your healing journey by sending you a framework you can follow for your own healing plus those you serve.

Support is available to you now.

Your purpose-driven work is going to be much improved because of your own inner healing.

No more spiritual or purpose bypassing, my dear. It’s time to do your inner work so that you can get rid of that nasty imposter syndrome and live your potential with courage and confidence!


beverly

Beverly Sartain is a Transformational Coach for those who are ready to use their recovery to be of service to the world and live their full potential. She is the founder of Recovery Life Management and The Recovery Ripple Project.

6 Myths About Getting Sober You Might Actually Still Believe

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by Erin Gilday

Whether you are newly sober or just sober-curious, you’re inevitably going to have ideas about what you think sobriety looks like.

These ideas about sobriety and what sobriety looks like will come at you from all angles, whether you want them to or not.

Some of these ideas will come from friends, family, acquaintances, TV shows, addiction literature, self-help groups, or the dank basement that is your subconscious. Some are even going to reach you via the wisdom of crappy internet memes or late-night Facebook posts.

Not all of these ideas are helpful. Many of them aren’t even true.

You already know that your mindset is one of your biggest assets in getting sober. And if you’re mindset is being influenced by, well...bullshit...then it’s going to be tough to stay clean.

Here, in no particular order, are some of the most unhelpful and untrue myths out there about getting sober.

Sobriety Myth #1 - You Won’t Have Any Friends

This is a biggie.

By the time your life is semi- (or fully) consumed by addiction, pretty much every aspect of your life is tied up in thinking about, acquiring, and/or using your substance of choice. This very often includes what’s left of your social life.

It’s easy to let the friendship question make you second guess your decision to get sober.

The questions start: Who will you hang out with when you get sober? What will you even do together? How do you make friends sober?

Here’s the truth: you will probably have to get new friends when you get sober but they’re going to be better friends.

The friends you used to drink or use with are probably not going to know how to support your new lifestyle. Most of them aren’t going to get it. They’re going to feel attacked and threatened by your sobriety. They’re not going to want to suddenly quit using and join you in sober friendship mode. And being around people who are still using is probably not going to work for you - especially at first.

That’s the bad news.

Here’s the good news: You will make new friends when you’re sober, and they’re going to actually be better friends because of it.

These friends aren’t keeping one eye on the bartender or one eye on their cell phone, waiting for that text. These friends aren’t going to disappoint you when they lie to you or steal from you or use you. These friends are going to want to hang out with you first and foremost, and not just as an afterthought.

You’re going to make new friends because now that you’re sober, you’re going to have a ton of free time to do other things: join an exercise group, take a meditation class, attend meetings (of whatever kind), volunteer, go back to school, pick up ecstatic dance or learn taekwondo.

You’re going to meet people at these things and the vast majority of them aren’t going to be addicts. A couple of them might even be your friend.    

Sobriety Myth #2 - You’ll Never Have Real Fun Again

You’re right.

You’re never going to have “fun” blacking out and waking up in your own body fluids ever again.

Addiction might not look like “fun,” especially as it progresses, but for a lot of addicts, the intention to have some “fun” (and enjoy the stress relief that goes along with it) plays a large part in using.

That intention just doesn’t usually work out for addicts.

Unfortunately, many “normal” people who use drugs and alcohol casually are able to have fun using, so it makes sense that our ideas about fun are tied up in drugs and alcohol. The mainstream version of “fun” - going out, taking a vacation, going to a party, watching the game, getting together with the girls - almost always involves substances of abuse.


You go out, you drink. It’s expected.

Here’s the truth: you will have to re-learn how to have fun without your substance of choice. Mainstream society isn’t going to really support you on this.  

It will take a little while to remember how to have fun sober. If anyone is telling you otherwise, they’re not being totally honest. It’ll take a minute, but you will remember how.

Whether it’s painting or singing or playing with legos, we’ve all had fun in our lives without substances, even if it was a long, long time ago.

You’ll get that back. The fun you have will be reliable, safe, within your control, and pure. And you’ll remember it in the morning.  


Sobriety Myth #3 - Sobriety Will Destroy Your Love Life

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(A note for couples: If your significant other is active in their addiction and they’re not willing to get sober with you, see Sobriety Myth #1. Just like the platonic friends who you use with, you’re probably going to have to get rid of addicted significant others, and that is going to put a wrecking ball through your love life for a bit. I’m sorry. It’s worth it.)

For you single people out there, I know what you’re thinking.

How will I ever date sober?

Here’s the truth: There’s a lot of catches out there who prefer sober dates.

Congratulations! You have just dramatically improved your dating pool by weeding out people who don’t value sobriety.

Yes, dating can be awkward and doing it sober makes it slightly more awkward. But you’re able to get a much better read on people when you’re sober and you’re able to spot the red flags you would have missed while using coming a mile away.

The intimacy you built with your date over dinner? You’ll know it’s real because you’re building it sober.

The decision to go home with your date? You’ll know it was a clear-headed, consensual one because you made it sober.

The adult fun you have at their house? You’ll know you were at peak performance because, yep, you did it sober.

Sobriety Myth #4 - You Won’t be Able to Handle the Stress of Life Sober

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Drugs of abuse trick us into making us think that they are helping with stress. They’re not. They’re actually altering our brain chemistry to produce more stress in the long-term.

In reality, addiction is making our stress worse and leaving us less equipped to deal with life as it comes without turning to drugs and alcohol.

Here’s the truth: Consistently dealing with stress in only one way - by using - robs us of the opportunity to learn how to deal with it in new ways.

Whether it’s mindfulness, exercise, counseling, artistic expression, music, conversations with a friend, going for a walk, doing breathing exercises, working on a fun project, or watching ASMR videos on Youtube, there are literally hundreds of ways to deal with stress that you probably haven’t tried.

Learning a new skill is tough but you can do it. You’re stronger than you think.

Sobriety Myth #5 - You’ll Have to Become a Completely Different Person

A lot of people have an idea of a “sober” person in their mind.

For some, it’s that preachy aunt who has been rabid about NA since the early 80’s. For others, it’s that dry drunk coworker who is sober now but is still a pain in the ass at staff meetings. Some people think of that “perfect angel” they know who does hours of selfless volunteering at the church thrift shop now that they are born again and sober.  

It’s no wonder some people can’t see themselves getting sober. With role models like these, who can blame them?

Here’s the truth: You can get sober and still be yourself. 100%. You’ll actually become MORE like yourself as you get sober.

There is no one way to get sober. Forget the ideas you have about what a sober person looks like. You don’t need to become someone else to get sober. Yes, you’ll learn some new tricks, but you’ll actually expand into who you really are once you let drugs and alcohol stop calling all the shots.

You’ll find that some people in early sobriety do try to “be someone else” as they try to adjust to their new identity and reality. From the outside, this can look and feel forced and it can turn sober-curious people off.

Others will be a bit too overzealous in their total adoption of group think. Whether they’re part of a religious institution or some self-help organization, these people will appear to lose of bit of their old selves in the process of getting sober. This is usually temporary and by no means universal. For some people, it works best this way. If that doesn’t work for you - skip it.

In sobriety, YOU DO YOU.

Sobriety Myth #6 - You Don’t Deserve Sobriety

You don’t hear a lot of people say this one out loud, but, boy, is this a doozy.

Being caught in the spiral of addiction sucks. You disappoint other people - but especially yourself - a lot. You have a massive amount of negative self-talk brewing on the daily. You’re sure to criticize yourself before someone else beats you to the punch.

If you’re dealing with other mental health issues - and most of us are - you might be getting an extra helping of self-loathing.

It’s easy to start feeling like you, not the drugs, are the problem.

You’re not.

Here’s the truth: We all deserve a life free of addiction. We all are capable not only of learning how to function but actually THRIVE without drugs and alcohol.

You’ve made some mistakes, sure, but don’t believe the hype. You’re a human and you’re no better or worse than the rest of us.

There’s nothing written in the stars that says your life has to be this way. You won’t always feel this way. It’s temporary. Millions of people just like you have come back from this - and worse.

Bust Your Own Myths

This list is a start, but it’s not exhaustive. There are so many other sobriety myths out there that stop people from pursuing sobriety.

If you’ve got any other myths holding you back, write them down. Sometimes just looking at them on paper is enough to realize they’re ridiculous. If that doesn’t work, share them with a friend or counselor and see if they can help bust them for you. Sometimes an outside perspective is all you need.

As you continue on your journey, I hope you keep finding more myths to bust - and surprising yourself about how awesome sobriety can be!


erin gilday

Erin Gilday is a copywriter and content marketer specializing in addiction treatment. She is a former substance abuse counselor and social worker. She loves her cat, The X-Files, classic movies and organizing for social justice. You can find her on LinkedIn.

Guest Blogger: Charlie Baulm on Artists in Recovery

artists in recovery

Artists in Recovery from Addiction:
How Creativity Can put a Spin on Getting Clean and Sober

by Charlie Baulm, guest blogger

When we think of artists in recovery from addiction, we often think of the ones who have been painfully obvious in their downfalls. The Philip Seymour Hoffman types are an all-too-blaring representation of addiction unchecked, and many of us just assume that almost every artist in Hollywood and beyond is struggling with some kind of substance abuse issue.

The thing is, lots of really amazing artists who used to believe that their creativity stemmed from their use of substances choose to get clean and sober, and they find that they not only succeed with the help of being creative, but they are often even better at their jobs than they were when they were actively using or drinking.

Pushing the Limits

Let’s look at Eminem and his journey. He’s proud of his recovery from an addiction to prescription drugs, and he should be. While his popularity began to soar, the pressure of becoming a world famous rapper, combined with the way that these drugs made him feel mellow and pain-free played a significant role in the development of his addiction.

When, in 2007, he overdosed on methadone, it shook him to the core. Marshall Mathers was really scared. Scared enough to get started on a recovery journey complete with steps, sponsors, and rehab. That was in 2009. For this star, addiction actually smothered his creative abilities, and it wasn’t until he was clean and sober that he began writing again, and he’s done it with a zeal that amazes many.

Demi Lovato is another star who has taken her recovery from an addiction to drugs and an eating disorder and turned it into fuel for a stunning comeback in her career. For her, looking back at who she used to be is a bit embarrassing, and more than enough to keep her living clean and sober.

She admits that she was difficult to work with, and even while having a sober companion, she continued to use for quite some time. At 18, she entered rehab, but that didn’t end her battle. A fear of losing people she loves drove her to finally surrender to treatment and recovery, and it’s kept her going since.

Demi also admits that food is still a huge struggle for her. It’s something that she still struggles with, and something that she may always struggle with. She admits that even at 8 years old, she was using food as medicine, and the battle with emotional eating – and purging – has been going strong ever since. Even today, she talks about how much her relationship with food affects her everyday life.

True recovery is helping Lovato to learn more about herself than she imagined, and it’s giving her power to be more than just a victim of her addiction. It’s helping her to be a voice for recovery, and it shows in her music.

Even famed horror writer Stephen King has had his struggles with addiction, and it wasn’t just to one substance. In fact, some report that thanks to his combination of alcohol and other substances, he was able to write some of the most nightmarish novels ever experienced.

His addiction story lasted decades, and has said was the product of a terribly painful and poor childhood in which he suffered anxiety and nightmares that helped fuel some of the most frightful characters to his stories.

However terrifying his nightmares, his life became just as scary when he found that if he didn’t overcome his addiction, he would lose his family. When he finally did finally start overcoming his addiction, he found that he struggled with terrible writer’s block, which was even more crippling.

Time and the patience of his wife helped King to get back to storytelling of a different, gentler type of tale. While he no longer uses drugs or alcohol to fuel these stories, he still uses the art of storytelling to deal with his many fears.

We All Know Addiction Knows No Boundaries

As a society, it seems that we almost expect that almost everyone in the spotlight will use some kind of substance to help ease the stresses of maintaining a perfect outward face. It seems like it’s never much of a surprise when another star admits that they are struggling with an addiction to something, but still, the scandals that erupt as a result of these confessions can be career-ending. On the other hand, they can be what helps artists to become a better version of themselves, as we’ve seen so many times.

For some reason, so many of us believe that the “average person’s addiction,” is somehow different than the addictions of the rich and famous. We mourn the losses of great stars like Prince, Heath Ledger, Whitney Houston, and Michael Jackson. We pity those who we live close to that lose their lives to addiction and shake our heads.

However, we all know that addiction knows no boundaries, and neither does recovery. People who aren’t so famous find that being creative in treatment and recovery can be a tremendous way to overcome their addictions. In fact, the many types of arts are becoming a common treatment for people working on living clean and sober because, very simply, they work.

Art Therapy Has Been Proven to Help Recovery

When it comes to art as a form of addiction treatment, it has been shown to have many benefits. It helps when coping with feelings of shame and fear. It allows those in recovery to get in touch with their emotions, and eventually encourages the ability to talk about what they’ve been going through. It’s a form of communication that requires no words but speaks volumes. These benefits are perhaps why, once in recovery, artists who had been struggling with an inability to create due to addictions seem to flourish in ways they haven’t been able to in ages.

No matter whether the recovery transformation takes place in one of the best drug rehabs in the US, or it is something quieter, and less structured, the healing power of creativity and art in one of its many forms cannot be denied or ignored.


charlie

Charlie Baulm is a writer and researcher in the fields of addiction and mental health. After battling with addiction himself and finding sobriety, Charlie aims to discuss these issues with the goal of reducing the stigma associated with both. When not working you might find Charlie at your local basketball court. 

Guest Blogger: Katie DePaola of Inner Glow Circle & Bo's Effort

Katie is an inner and outer beauty with a spirit that sparkles. 

 
Meet Katie   .  Isn't she lovely?

Meet Katie. Isn't she lovely?

 

She's believes strongly in empowering other women in her work as founder of Inner Glow Circle, a life coaching collective and program -- and is a steadfast advocate for mental health. Working to end the stigma of mental illness is one of her family's goals in their non profit foundation, Bo's Effort, which celebrates the life of Katie's brother, Bo.  According to the family, Bo "was a one-in-a-million" kind of guy and he was living with undiagnosed bipolar disorder most of his life.  Bo died of an accidental overdose at only 20 years old.  As advocates for recovery (from mental illness, addiction, or both for those of us with co-occurring), we know that turning to substances can often come with the territory of having a mental illness.  Self-medication. 

But it doesn't have to.

It's by recovering out loud, being allies and advocates for awareness and change -- these are ways we can have a truly lasting and positive impact on future generations to come.

I've had the pleasure of spending time with Katie on multiple occasions and I think she's just magic.

xoxo,
Laura


WHEN SOMEONE YOU LOVE DIES...


You're different. For a moment. For a year. For many years.

A loss like that is the most disorienting experience in the world. The world crumbles around you, as you stand frozen asking, "How?" "Why our family?" "Why me?"

And then again, but in a different sense, "Why me?" "Why was I left behind?" This new reality feels like a responsibility you weren't ready to take on.

"You were here, just yesterday." You say to him or her, to the trees, to the sky. "Where did you go?" "Are you coming back?"

You walk into the house. And right before you ask if he or she is out with friends, still at work or school, you swallow your words. And you remember.

"You're not here anymore. Please come back. I miss you."

People say it never goes away. The pain. The grief. The heartache. I say it's ever changing. There is collateral beauty. It can even shape you into a better person, if you let it.

And yet, there's a part of you that wishes you could die of a broken heart, just so you could be together again. But you stay. And you make promises to your loved one, to the trees, to the sky.

"Next time...when we get to do this thing over again, I promise I'll be better. I'll hold you more. I'll never call you names. I'll kiss you every night. I'll be better. We'll be better. And then maybe you'll stay a little longer. Next time..."

May 23 marks the two year anniversary of my brother's passing. He was 20 years, 2 months and 1 day. Thanks to our amazing friends, family and community, we're hosting our 2nd golf tournament and dinner (May 22) to celebrate his life and raise money for mental health. Bo died of an accidental overdose, peacefully at home. He simply went to sleep and never woke up.

Said golf tournament - I wish I could go but someone has to work...

Said golf tournament - I wish I could go but someone has to work...

I spent a lot of time with his girlfriend after he passed. It was my way of keeping him alive a bit longer. I asked to know everything. What was their love like? Why did she fall for him? Was he a good kisser?

She said the night before he died, he was so happy. He took her all over the backyard to look at the stars from different views. He was a child of the universe, and when I heard that story, I thought, "Wow, he must have known he was going home." I felt an unexpected sense of peace. It's a peace I believe we can all receive if we allow ourselves to be okay with what is.

Bo and his family.

Bo and his family.

Bo continues to do work here every day through his foundation, Bo's Effort. Last year alone, we raised nearly $100K to help provide better programs for kids and adults like Bo who struggle with mental health and often, substance as a result. Bo was an amazing kid, a bright spirit who made people laugh every day. Perhaps he knew his time would be shorter than most, so he chose a family who would tell his story and carry on his message to help others. We consistently get messages from people who say Bo helped them, their sister, their child. Connect with the right doctor. Find the right help. Get on the right medications. Stay clean. Get their life back.

My brother is a miracle worker, and that part is not sad to me. That is an honor. If you feel moved to donate, Bo's foundation gives to NAMI and AAMC every year. AAMC has begun planning for a phenomenal mental health facility and needs our support now more than ever.

I will continue to give, support and show up, because it eases the pain of missing him. Somehow it makes the pain worth something.

Don't sit back. From the depths of my heart, I urge you to do what you can to turn your pain into purpose. Of course, it's not everything, but it's something.

Guest Blogger: DeAnna Jordan of New Method Wellness

It's been FOREVER since I wrote something for the blog, and today's post is certainly no exception.  Please welcome DeAnna Jordan, clinical director of New Method Wellness and person in long-term recovery.  I should note that this isn't a sponsored post by a rehab or treatment center, even though its author works at one.  I'm just happy to share a well-written, bite-sized piece in the hope that if you or someone you love is struggling with drinking, that you find help.  There's a fantastic list of resources right here.

-Laura


Are You Drinking Too Much?

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"It's happy hour--I'm only going to have a couple beers."
"I'm not an alcoholic--I only drink wine with dinner."

These are some of the most common phrases that stem from drinking. Typically, people who binge drink, don’t even realize they are binge drinking.  According to the CDC, more than 38 million adults binge drink an average of four times a month. So, how do you know if you are an alcoholic?

Coming to the conclusion about one’s alcohol abuse can often be a messy and confusing path. The most important question I ask my clients struggling with accepting their alcoholism is, “How often are you thinking about drinking?” We then can delve deeper into a series of questions that aim to create a conscious awakening:

  • Do you frequently feel compelled to drink?

  • Does alcohol, the thought of alcohol or the planning of your next drink occupy most of your energy and focus?

  • Have you wanted to stop drinking, but find yourself with a drink in hand just a short time later?

  • Have you sacrificed other activities that you enjoy because you plan to drink or were drinking?

  • Do you find that you need to consume more alcohol to get the same effect you once had?

While the questions above only spark the conversation on alcoholism, these questions can help identify the most common behaviors in a person’s alcohol dependency. These questions are not medically-approved, nor are they an official test for determining alcoholism, but they will guide you as you observe your drinking habits.

The only person who can determine whether you are an alcoholic, an alcohol abuser or a social drinker is yourself; no one can answer these questions for you. If you take an honest survey of yourself and your drinking habits, you can determine whether you have reached the point of alcoholism and only then can you receive the help you need. Doing so will teach you how to move through life without the aid of alcohol, allowing you to reconnect with your loved ones and to rekindle your desire to live another day.


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DeAnna Jordan serves as the clinical director at New Method Wellness where she supervises a team of caring, well-trained clinicians who provide continued support throughout a client’s stay at New Method Wellness. Jordan has over 20 years of experience working with clients in recovery and is a marriage and family therapist (MFT), specializing in the maintenance of healthy relationships. As a result of her expertise, Jordan has been featured on “Dr. Phil,” “Jane Valdez-Mitchell,” National Geographic’s “Taboo,” and has been published in Elle Magazine as well as The Huffington Post.

After receiving her bachelor’s degree from University of California in Irvine, Jordan did post-graduate work at Centaur University where she graduated in the top of her class with a CAADAC certification in Centaur’s chemical dependency program. Following her time at Centaur, Jordan received her masters in counseling psychology from Pacifica Graduate Institute and is a current PhD candidate, studying depth psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute.

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As a recovering addict, Jordan brings a breadth of personal recovery experience to her clinical leadership and believes a comfortable, structured and supportive environment is an essential part of maintaining long term sobriety. In addition to her passion for recovery, Jordan is extremely involved in the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society (LLS). As a current Woman of the Year candidate, Jordan is campaigning to raise funds for LLS blood cancer research in honor of local children who are blood cancer survivors.