I did it myyyyyyy way.
Thanks, Frankie Boy. That's the story of my sobriety. Yeah, sure, I've been in the rooms. And at times, they were helpful. I met some amazing people. But I never felt right or at peace or at home--and why did I always have panic attacks in AA meetings?
Maybe there was something *not* resonating with dear old me. And when I'd show up to my "home" group at the time, a few weeks or a months since my last meeting and always, I mean, always asked by some good-hearted and well-intended soul if I was still sober--I wondered why do these people need daily meetings to stay sober? I sure as hell don't. I mean, I can go years without meetings.
Whenever I found myself in conversations with sober folk, the inevitable question was always did I go meetings or had I worked the steps. It didn't matter who it was or why they were asking, I always found myself shrinking at this question. Like I was less than for not. Like there was something wrong with me because it didn't work for me.
Holly of Hip Sobriety nailed it. Just nailed it. And I'm immensely grateful to find a kindred soul in her story and her writing because while her experiences are her own and her recovery is her own, I felt--for the longest time--that something had to be wrong with me because *I* wasn't getting it.
And then I realized, I'm sober--I have a good thing going.
Almost 8 years in recovery. I'm in therapy. I have good relationships with my family and friends. I cut toxic people and habits from my life. I experience. Mud runs, karaoke, travel, dancing at bars (yes, even that!), nature hikes, pinup modeling, getting tattoos--all sober. And I have no apologies for this kind of sobriety because it works.
It works for me, and that's all that should matter.
Pardon the redness! This was taken the day I got my tat. I may have left AA, but AA left me--with a couple of great 'isms." This one reminds me to stay present, not catastrophize, and not think about things in a FOREVER way.
Just what's in front of me. I may be powerless over alcohol--this I do believe--I'm not powerless over my own recovery.
My sobriety is in MY hands.
Tattoo by Misty Kilgore.
What are YOUR thoughts? Do you feel out of place at AA? Do you go to meetings, take what you want and leave the rest? What makes up YOUR sobriety?