fitness

Re(Pro) #61: Courtney Andersen

Courtney Andersen
Helping others fuels my soul and I’m a firm believer of “women supporting women.”
— Courtney Andersen

Name: Courtney Andersen

Age: 36

Location: Detroit, Michigan

Recovery date*: 8/18/2012
[* turning point for substance use and/or mental health challenges]

Creative niche:
Writing, Blogging, Entrepreneur, Online Coaching, Helping others

If applicable to your story, drug of choice:
Alcohol and LOTS of it. I also enjoyed cocaine for about 3 years in my active addiction with alcohol.

nutshell.jpeg

Recovery story in a nutshell:
I LOVED alcohol like it was my bestie for over a decade.  

My vicious cycle of addiction was spent for over ten years feeling ashamed, embarrassed, lonely, isolated and scared but I kept staying in this world. For so many years I didn't feel like I deserved any good.  Most days depending on my work schedule were spent thinking about drinking, drinking or dry heaving, laying in bed all day until I ordered pizza at 8pm when I finally stopped throwing up all the alcohol from the night before. I mean this cycle happened weekly; alcohol poisoning for sure! Of course I would say to myself every time I would dry heave that [this would] "be the last time I did shots or drank like that"...LIES!

I often found when I woke up the night before I had no clue how I got home or what happened. About ninety percent of the time my drinking would end up with me upsetting one of my friends, boyfriends or family members. I often would yell at them, pick fights and get violent like a real pig. So many missed opportunities and relationships down the drain because of my addiction. So much TIME WASTED and moments I will never get back in my life. Funny thing is since I was about 24, I knew I would have to stop drinking one day. In the pit of my soul I believe that all addicts know they have a problem of some sort, it's just a matter of "are you going to address the problem" or just “carrying on because you don't want to feel or face reality?!!”

courtney before after

When I was 29 years old, I woke up the next morning from a complete shit show of an evening. I was told I lost my cat (who was not an outside cat at all) for the second time as I left my screen door wide open because I went outside to smoke in a blackout. I was also told by my then boyfriend that he was over the drinking as well; at that point we had been together for a year and a half. He had seen plenty in such a short amount of time because I will say the last couple of years of my drinking my episodes were getting worse and worse. So that day I made a pact to myself and the universe that if Fiona (my cat) was found I would give up drinking and give life a go sober as I knew I had to do since I was in my early twenties. For two days I laid around from the worst hangover in my life, like straight up death! I’m surprised I didn't need medical attention. So every few hours I would go outside shaking Fiona's treats and calling her name; finally FURPANTS came walking out slowly from under my neighbor’s deck looking terrified and leaves all over her fur and in her whiskers. I dropped to my knees like a scene from a movie and scooped her up and instantly starting crying. I felt in my whole being and on another level that sobriety was my answer; this was 1 million percent my rock bottom. I probably hit RB about 40 times previous to this but this time it was the last bottom I would face.

My life began on  August 18th, 2012! That boyfriend who said ‘enough was enough’ is now my husband. He even gave up drinking with me; he never had a problem but just got to a point in his life he could do without. Sober Life has not been easy, a lot of emotions a lot of ups and downs but it’s all worth it. I honestly wouldn't change a thing of how my life has become. My world is just better with friends, family, husband, myself and everything else. I even have my own health and fitness business and currently working on starting my own non profit/charity for women in recovery called Sober Vibes! Helping others fuels my soul and I'm a firm believer of "women supporting women." My business, Sober Vibes, the happiness and gratitude I experience now in life would never have happened if I continued to drink, I’d probably be dead if I would have kept in my active addiction and I know that in my heart and soul!  

WE DO RECOVER.


Courtney Andersen & Lori Massicot recently had me on RAW!

Top 5 Recovery/Wellness Tools:

1) Writing

2) Exercise

3) Meditation

4) Therapy/AA

5) Laughter


Re(Pro) #38: Michelle Winder

Michelle Winder

Michelle is a force of nature. Her IG game is ON POINT and always has the most inspirational BICEP flexing going on - it was such an honor and privilege to meet this beautiful mama and her daughter Shelby in New York City at She Recovers in NYC. If you're looking for #soberspo, look no further. This woman is it - ways to reach this girl on fiyah after the jump.

xo,
Laura


Name: Michelle Winder

Age: 47

Recovery date: 10/7/2015

Creative niche: 
I always associate the word creative with art, so I think that I'm not creative. I do however, own my own my own business and humbled to know that I am providing jobs for 23 people everyday in a loving, home like environment.

If applicable, drug of choice: Alcohol

nutshell

Recovery story in a nutshell: 
I began drinking in my early 20's, very casually for a really long time. I never ever saw it as a problem, until it was. That happened in my early 40's. when family members began to say things to me about my drinking, when I began to blackout, when I started planning around and constantly thinking about drinking. I fought giving it up really hard. I never wanted to not drink, so I tried to moderate. That's when things really spiraled out of control. I spent two really long years fighting to keep drinking, with every passing week being worse than the last. I finally gave up that fight 10/7/2015 and began my journey of recovery. I relapsed 4 or 5 times in those early days, but am happy to say that I will never drink again. Sobriety has been the greatest gift that I have ever given myself. I am present and love life like never before.


Top 5 Recovery Tools

1. My sober community is at the top of the list.

 
Editor's note: SOBER COMMUNITY, baby! Heeeere's Laura (aka me) with Michelle at She Recovers in NYC, May 2017.

Editor's note: SOBER COMMUNITY, baby! Heeeere's Laura (aka me) with Michelle at She Recovers in NYC, May 2017.

 

2. Reading... 
...as much as I can, whether it be a book or blogs or a simple social media post.

3. Mantras

4. Meditation

5. Music


Connect with Michelle.

Re(Pro) #24: O.R. Marv

You know him as One Rep Marv (aka O.R. Marv).  I don't even know the elusive man's full name but I will honor his sobriquet because we celebrate *all* paths to recovery here.  
Happy Birthday to the guy who will make us do SQUATS, not SHOTS. ;) 

 

xo,
Laura

OR Marv Repro

Name: O.R. Marv

Age: 31

Location: San Diego, CA 

Recovery date (turning point for addiction or mental illness): 6/22/2013

Creative niche (art, music, writing, entrepreneurship, etc.): 
Blending fitness with recovery: personal training, online coaching, blogging.

If applicable, drug of choice (or not of choice...): 
Alcohol, marijuana, opiates, cocaine, athletic drugs (steroids, etc.)

Recovery Story in a Nutshell:

Where do I begin?

Well, I was born in a very loving, well to do, religious family that pretty much preached “Leave It To Beaver” values. The problem was, even as a small child, I had no identity and no self-worth so I was extremely uncomfortable in my own skin. Now I firmly believe I didn’t come out of the womb a self-loathing narcissist or an egomaniac with an inferiority complex, but I learned these things at such a young age that they became ingrained personality traits of mine that would plague me for the first 27 years of my life.

I had a multitude of health issues as a young child which ultimately saw me having a total of 8 major operations and a head injury, so I also learned to play the victim at a young age as well. My identity was always based on something or someone – it was never intrinsic, it was never my own identity. I didn’t truly pick up a drink or a drug until I was 17 years old - I had dabbled previously and wasn’t impressed. My first time getting drunk was shortly after a pretty serious incident which left me with a head injury, snapped wrist, cracked collarbone, torn rotator cuff, and stress fractured vertebrae. Just prior to the incident my identity had been getting good grades so going from a straight A high school “A.P.” student to barely keeping up in remedial classes overnight landed me in a severe depression. And THAT’S when I found drugs and alcohol.

I should have known I was going to have a problem right away because once I finally got loaded that very first time I thought to myself, “This…..solves…..EVERYTHING!” I was somehow smarter, sexier, funnier, able to talk to the opposite sex, more sure of myself, all of that and then some! I would chase that solution to all of my so-called problems for the next 10 years. During that time I did despicable things that became black spots of my soul which only caused me to chase getting loaded even more feverishly. Any sense of morality from my upbringing was thrown out the window in order to get loaded. I became a professional self-victimizer because when I played the victim I felt self-pity, and when I felt sorry for myself I then, in turn, felt entitled to do whatever the F*** I had to do to make myself feel better. This came in many forms – drugs, alcohol, sex, materialistic things, bodybuilding (random, I know, for a daily drug addict/alcoholic), etc.

For years I resembled someone who had it all together, but in reality I was petrified inside. Petrified inside that everyone would figure out I wasn’t as cool as they thought I was. Petrified inside that everyone would figure out I hated myself. Petrified inside that everyone would no longer like me if they truly met the real me. So I played a role to hide this fear. The role of being outgoing, even cocky, and fully self-assured. It was false pride encapsulating self-loathing and it worked as I was very personable and well-liked by most people. During those 10 years of active addiction I flunked out of college, graduated from a different college with a stellar degree and GPA despite daily drinking and drugging, went to outpatient treatment programs, lock-down units of mental wards, inpatient treatment programs, therapy….everything short of breaking out in handcuffs.

How did I never end up with legal problems? I have absolutely no clue because I was into some pretty serious crimes and situations, so all I can say is my Higher Power was looking out for me even though I refused to acknowledge he existed. When left to my own devices for all those years I was nothing but a liar, a cheat, and a thief…and not just for the obvious reasons. I was a liar whenever I told myself, “Ok…THIS will be the last bottle, the last sack, the last vial” when I knew DAMN WELL it wasn’t even going to be the last one for that night. I was a cheat for cheating myself out of living a life I could be proud of, of having a relationship with my Higher Power, and ultimately having a relationship with myself. And I was a thief for stealing myself away from my friends, family, and loved ones when I was in the depths of my disease.

I was introduced to what Recovery looked like at 25 years old, after close to 6 months of total treatment where I was officially introduced to two 12 step fellowships. I told everyone I was in Recovery and embracing the new lifestyle…but that wasn’t the truth. I’m a “smart guy” whose got some “edumacation” under his belt so I had these theories. Theories of how I could drink or use like a gentleman, theories of where I lost control, theories of “it only got so bad because events X,Y, AND Z all happened at once and had they happened separately I wouldn’t have gone to such s***.” So I tried to pick and choose which parts of the programs I would follow, I tried to sponsor myself, I tried to be 90% honest instead of 100% honest. I tried, I tried, I tried. So what happens when I’m not recovering, I’m just merely abstinent as a “static addict” or “dry drunk”? Well, I secretary meetings dirty, I take dirty tokens, and I work dirty steps. I turn right back into that liar, cheat, and thief.

Repeatedly I did these things for 2 years. For 2 years I beat my head against a wall. For 2 years I was back to that insanity of where I had once come from…too afraid to live yet too scared to kill myself. And THAT’S when I found my GOD – the “Gift Of Desperation” – and on June 22, 2013 I finally became willing to go to any lengths to get and remain not only clean and sober…but to truly recover, as well. I did things I was unwilling to do in the past and I have been rewarded with a life beyond my wildest dreams.

Am I rich and famous? No. I’m still waiting on that…I’m still waiting to be handed life on a silver platter….I’m still waiting to be handed the winning lottery tickets. But today I have been given a wonderful gift – the gift of self-worth – something I never had as a child. That is my greatest gift in Recovery, and with that gift has come many changes in my life. I’ve been able to face some pretty tough situations and maintain my sobriety – the death of my mother, the life-altering diagnosis of breast cancer for my significant other and best friend, and the decision to quit my corporate job to become fully self-employed. I’ve faced things I once thought would be “un-faceable” and I’d like to think I handled them with dignity and grace…but only because I put my Recovery first. If no one told you this today let me be the first…YOU ARE WORTH IT. YOU DESERVE TO LIVE A LIFE YOU CAN BE PROUD OF. YOU DESERVE TO LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. YOU DESERVE TO RECOVER.

I had a hell of a hard time coming to grips with those statements. For years, my total and utter lack of anything resembling self-esteem prevented me from allowing myself anything positive in my life so I would always self-sabotage. Today, I don’t have to do those things. Today, I allow myself positivity, self-love, and much, much more. It didn’t happen overnight, but trust me on this…it works if you work…so work it, ‘cause you’re worth it!

Top 5 Recovery Tools
 

1. Fitness

2. 12 Step Meetings

 3. Being of Service

4. Hanging Out With Friends in Recovery

5. Working With Newcomers


Connect with Marv.

marv.jpg

Website: One Rep at a Time
Twitter: @OneRepataTime_
Instagram: @OneRepataTime_
Facebook: @OneRepataTime