Name: Facundo Lucci
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Sobriety date: 3/18/18
Creative niche (art, music, writing, entrepreneurship, etc.):
I'm a classically trained guitarist and own LUHV Vegan Deli at Reading Terminal Market.
If applicable to your story, substance of choice: Alcohol
Recovery/sobriety story in a nutshell:
It was Christmas time 2017. My partner had just ended our relationship, and I was devastated. My brother Gabriel noticing my pain and recommended I read "Adult Children of Alcoholics". The book starts off with a laundry list of traits, and I checked each one off. It was as if this little list was written just for me. Soon after, I started attending ACOA meetings and working the steps. It was the single greatest choice I've ever made.
Over the next few months of therapy and meetings I read over 27 books which was miracle to me considering I hadn't finished a book in ten years. It came to a point where I either recognized my narcissistic qualities and incessant need for approval, or continue a cycle of codependent and dysfunctional behavior. It was the first time that I felt truly ashamed of myself. However, it was a feeling I was not afforded the luxury of before. Because growing up I was not allowed to be anything less than perfect.
At this point in my post breakup depression, the last thing I wanted to admit was that I was an alcoholic. I convinced myself that if I practice moderation then it would prove I'm just like everyone else. I excitedly went to see my therapist and tell her about my new progress. She objectively informed me that I'm setting myself up. She then recommended the five minute rule –just to "see what happens". Basically as soon as your about to consume alcohol, just wait five minutes and see if the desire is still there. And keep waiting five minutes until the urge goes away. So I went to bar after work, waited five minutes, and ordered a seltzer with lemon and lime instead. This was the day after St Patty's day. After having felt so much shame for every drink I consumed, with the seltzer in my hands I suddenly felt power. Real power. Power over myself and no one else. I've been sober since then.
Now came the really hard part. A barrage of emotions flooded my day to day life. I started randomly crying. Just completely out of nowhere, until I realized it wasn't random. The tears were coming at times when I would have normally already been drunk. I couldn't believe how much emotion I was suppressing. So, going sober is a really bitter sweet victory. Learning how much of my life was wasted, being wasted, sucked. However, I now have boundaries, vulnerability, courage, and love. I unlocked the floodgates of pain but now it's flowing out instead of building up inside.
In a nutshell, I discovered my inner child through attending ACOA meetings. Which later taught me to love myself unconditionally. I realized, alcohol was the only thing stopping me from becoming the me I always wanted be. So it became a no brainer to quit drinking as soon as I felt the power I had inside all along. Now I'm on journey relearning how to live and love.